–break–

im so damn scared about radio….
haiiiii…..
i can't sleep….my life depends on whatever grade Id get on the subject that has been bugging me for months….I hope they would be considerate enough later…..in a few hours my fate would be sealed…wah….

I hope God grants me this one….I know I haven't been the best daughter these days…I do not stick to my prayer time….and some more things so unlikely for someone who has been baptized the second, the third time….I've been bad….but I hope my punishment won't be as grave as not passing that dreadful subject…. Im soooooo scared I feel like Im standing on a top of a pyramid maintaining my balance….haiiiiiii Im holding on to the the clouds while I'm here….Im hanging on to you my Lord…..

~~~~

Sembreak….
and with a heartache…
that was the shoutout  that I posted in friendster two days before….and my kada asked me why….they werent aware.

aware of that certain feeling that has grown on me for the past four months….
it doesn't really make sense….how one person you've been with for just a week can cause you that much hurt…i don't know…

maybe Im just tired…..tired of how the world turns for me….and how things never work out the way I've always wanted….for so many years I am just standing in this street all alone….thinking that I am better off this way, IF only some people don't pass by, stop in front of me then walk past, without looking back…..Im good being the way I am…single….if I just don't meet anyone and then the same old story unfolds….

my guy friends tell me I should do something about this….that I should make whoever he is aware of my feelings and all…..but Im not desperate enough to do this….If I had that guts to maybe I ve done it waaay before….but no, it wouldnt work that way….I would savor all the hurt and the pain and all the anguish of liking someone from afar and I would never stoop to that level….

maybe I really am destined to be like this…..well maybe someone else would come along one day….but its not about meeting him some other time…..its about today, and how for the nth time reality hits you with that one truth, the person you wanted to be the One is not.

so what's really the reason behind all these gibberish….
I met someone that I really liked….and now he is already in a relationship…I know this would happen one day soon….I just didnt expect that itd be at the time when my feelings for him reached its peak…I cried again the same cry I did years ago….and I think I must be really hurt to shed tears that much…..

oh well….then again….I must be that tired.

~~~

a lot of things happened in a span of almost two months that I did not post anything here…..got really busy….with school stuff…with glee club….with SFC…. with my barkada….and with my family….hope I have a digicam with me cause those things were truly worth looking back to…but anyway….I have this blog, and my hippocampus for reminiscing…

school works galore…..examsexamsexams……then Medweek….MGC encountered some nasty experiences then….MGC was not treated with respect in most of our perfomances that week….and I wouldnt narrate anymore how mistreated we were…..but I hope I could be given  a chance to let them know how bad we felt….haiii…..anyway, God granted us with something to compensate for all the bad experiences that week….we performed with The New minstrels last Oct 16…and it was really great…singing Crazy for you, Temio's Only you and my ever favorite Ikaw lang ang mamahalin for the kind of audience we had that night even if its not that huge….was one memory worth keeping. The Medicine Glee Club was well appreciated that night and we owe that performance to the new members and  of course the oldies…haha….We owe it to ourselves …..weh……some of us…IRENE/CHA/ERWIN/FRED/CLOU   bonded some more after that and belted our lungs out at music match….then I got crazy and went to Irene's….even if there's showing of grades at 7am, the next day…what we did in her apt…?…..haha just laughed all night…..tnx IRENE

SFC…..its sad cause most of my batchmates/groupmates dont attend anymore…..but each time I go there even if there's exam the next day or I lack sleep, is really fun….I get to meet new friends….and more importantly I could make up for the times that I neglect HIM…..I love SFC…..

October 12 was my aunt's 50th bday….I sang for her 5 times…haha…and I danced with a D.I…..some chacha…and the song…"Sway" haiiii that song….then Tagaytay Sunday, cause its my mom and aunt's bdayceleb…..I really wasnt able to study for the last 3 subjects of my Finals…..Monday, October15  was my mom's bday, and I had to leave and go back to manila cause its psych exam….haiii…sad abt it cause it was the first that I didnt spend with her….anyways…..LUV U MOMMY SOOOO MUCH

My barkada….I m happy that we have more bondings these months….even if there's exam the next day I always come….even if I bring my book my handouts and notes with me wherever we go (as my security blanket)….mostly at SM Sta.Rosa…weh…but we got as far as Paseo de Sta.Rosa…and mind you we reached Los Banos (the weekend before finals)….but there's a sad reason behind that trip….Rod's leaving for Australia on the 20th…..it was his despedida…..sad….really….

there are soooo much to tell….but well nobody would waste their time reading those…..I just feel like sharing these…and how my life was for the past two months….

…which brings me back to that problem…..RADIO…..a little later on…..haiiiiii….but I have to rest….so I will stop here……haiiii……

~fin