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August 25, 2010
I love you….so much that it hurts deeply cause I cannot tell you how much anymore…I don’t know where I stand in your life right now.. Before the results of my board exams came out, I was dead sure of one thing…if God could just grant me one dream, Id choose my career, I could stand being alone forever than not pass the boards….
But now that I’ve already passed…the emptiness in my heart is still here…the pain of not knowing if the love has truly died or has it been revived even just a bit…is killing me even more…truly a human being has no contentment…but I couldn’t help it…
Everyone has this strong opinion…break it up with him….but I am not losing hope that afterall, his touch, his kisses still meant the same…as it were 2 years and 8 mos back…
I still pray that its still him and me in the end…
yesterday the girl who caused all these mayhem watched his championship game…I wanted to slap her face and smudge it to the grounds…yes, I’m still the winner, because I was the one he brought home together with his family…I was the one who slept in his bed…I was the one who stayed in his arms to console him for his loss….but I can never be sure if I am still the one in his heart….I don’t know if after everything that I’ve done for him…after all these years…that girl has taken over my place in his heart…thus making her the true winner…
I don’t know…and I don’t have the strength to know…to ask him….
I guess I would just wait….for the time he would say he loves me again…or the time he’ll say that he wants to leave me again…
Lord God…I love him
I love Raymon Christian so much….
Heart full of gratitude…
August 20, 2010Everything is still surreal J
I am now a licensed Physician….after 25 years, I attained this one dream I prayed for all my life…..
It all started when I was just 5 years old….I told my Daddy that I want to become a doctor, just like most kids when asked what they want to be in the future….only I was a little more certain….a little more determined….and then he started to dream with me….but he left us a little bit too soon…but I never ceased dreaming…..
My mom struggled to give us a comfortable life….until a great storm, literally, made things harder for us….I had 3 educational plans prepared…supposed to be for medicine proper but we had to no choice but to use all three during premed at my dream school….I graduated from Bio after 4 years…armed with nothing but a strong will to become a doctor…I was accepted at the best medical school….with one question, how could I afford the cost of my expensive dream….
Looking back….my life in medicine was not easy, in fact, saying that it was hard is an understatement…I am not an achiever, with just an average intellect, and perseverance I faced all the difficult exams….passed the dreaded subjects…I was lucky enough cause I didn’t have to buy books because my cousin gave me all the med books he have….but then again… while most classmates worry about passing alone….I worry about passing and not being able to enroll for the next semester due to lack of finances…. I tried to apply for a scholarship but it was not granted since my grades did not qualify for one…..during those times…I turn to God, and he faithfully fulfill his promise….Just when I thought we couldn’t raise enough money for the next enrollment….God sends His angels to support me with my education….moreso….my mom had to part with her most precious possessions a times when funds were truly scarce….
And then…Revalida….God is indeed gracious for He allowed me to pass the written revalida…exempting me from the 1st part of the orals….I was fortunate because Im not really that confident with my oral skills…Through the intercession of my patron, St. Jude, And His unrelenting love, I passed….I was even more determined to strive harder for the next step, since the head of my tribunal told me, that I should not take the august 2010 boards yet because surely I will fail… because yes, I messed up with my orals….but I did pass, and then the degree was conferred to us…. Doctor of Medicine
Internship with the DOH Integration Program was one of the best decisions I made, I have learned a lot of things that molded me into a more competent and stronger individual.
Reviewing for the boards was the most tiring, grueling part of my life, apprehensions, anxieties, while trying to retain all the information we need to learn for 12 subjects in such a short span of time….reviewing while mending a heartache…..crying spells almost twice a week…almost losing one person I loved so much…while trying to memorize the Kreb’s cycle…
Asthma exacerbation when Basyang caused another flood in our house and we needed to clean up all the mud and mess it caused… More and more fear realizing that days were ticking away…
More tears after the first week of exam….I was not able to study well enough for the 2nd week anymore….being the usual me, with low E.Q…I kept on thinking about the wrong answers I have….and then the 3 agonizing days of waiting….palpitations, sleepless nights, nausea, retching….those days were the longest, worst days of my life….But at 7:30 pm when my friend called me up to inform me of the sweetest news I have ever received….
All my thanks to the people behind my success….
Thank you so much to my “angels” the Good souls, who helped me reach my goal:
Ninong Toto Tanael
Tita Baby and Tito Rudy Alora
Tito Fely Vierneza
Lolo Ito Olivarez
Ninang Lita Ortega
Tita Emy and Tito Neil Orteza
Tito Edwin Olivarez
Ninang Cynthia Alora
Tito Eric Olivarez
Tito Jessie and Tita Lucy Alora
Tito Oscar and Tita Tessie Alora
Kuya P.A for the books, and the advices
My
My GS and HS classmates and friends, My Barkada, Fictioneras, Gi, Em, Pia, Jane, Cai…you guys are the best…I love and miss you all….
My Bio Professors, My Bio Classmates and friends, Chi, thank you for all the help, we did it! J Claire, Maemae, JLo, 4E!
My UST YFC, Campus Based family, you kept me sane during pre-med….
Section D, D6…For all the highs and lows of medicine life with you….
UST Medicine Glee Club, for the beautiful melodies we shared, Medlife became a lot easier because of you, Irene,you’ve been a great friend….thank you for everything…
Thomasian Doctors-Mentors, we wouldn’t be where we are now if we weren’t trained by the best…thank you for molding us into Compassionate, Competent, and Committed Thomasian Physicians…
My SFC WestB1b: Ate evan, and all my kuyas, ates, bros and sisses, thank you for all the prayers….For your care and support
Nanay Susan, my neuropatient, whenever I receive a msg from you, I always smile and tell myself, I must have done something right in clerkship. You have taught me a lot about patient care, I thank you and pray that you are now happy with the Lord up there in the heavens…..
Ninang Teena, Tita Rizz, Tita Emelit, Tito Monchie, Tita Ester, all my aunts and uncles, Gi, Dhel, Ate Gwen, Ate Corie, Kuya Wes, and all my cousins, Thank you for all the prayers and for always believing in me…Nanay, Tatay, Ate Cindy, thank you for whispering my success to our Dear God, I miss you and I love you….
Christian, Thank you for staying….for all the care….thank you for being right there by my side all these years….To your family, for accepting me as their own…
Ate, Kuya, Jessica, you guys are my driving force to achieve my goal…thank you for all the love and support
Daddy, I love you, we did it!! I am now a doctor…. thank you for dreaming with me….for instilling within me that spirit, for being my inspiration to be what I wanted to be ever since I was your little girl, seated on your lap….I know you’re beaming with pride now, thank you for all the love Daddy, I miss you….
Mommy, More than mine, this victory is yours, I owe you my life, my success, You gave me everything you have, you sacrificed every single thing for me, even your own health just for me to be where I am now….I hope I made you proud….I hope I was able to give you back even a portion of what you gave for me to achieve this dream….All our hard work and tears paid off…. I love you mommy, I will even strive harder to give you a better life…I will be your personal M.D. J Love you sooo much….Thank you for everything….Thank you mommy….
St.Jude Thaddeus, St. Anthony de Padua, Our Lady of Manaoag, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, St. Claire, through your intercession, I passed, thank you for hearing my prayers.
Dear God, Lolo Uweng, this is indeed your miracle… These are all part of your wonderful plan for me…and I thank you with all my heart for giving me the best gift….Thank you for remaining faithful to your promises to me, and In return I promise to give everything back to You…I will be your servant… I will be your instrument… I will be your healer….I love you dear God….
I am now a licensed Physician….
Life could never be this complete…
To God be the Glory
