…

I love you….so much that it hurts deeply cause I cannot tell you how much anymore…I don’t know where I stand in your life right now.. Before the results of  my board exams came out, I was dead sure of one thing…if God could just grant me one dream, Id choose my career, I could stand being alone forever than not pass the boards….

But now that I’ve already passed…the emptiness in my heart is still here…the pain of not knowing if the love has truly died or has it been revived even just a bit…is killing me even more…truly a human being has no contentment…but I couldn’t help it…

Everyone has this strong opinion…break it up with him….but I am not losing hope that afterall, his touch, his kisses still meant the same…as it were 2 years and 8 mos back…

I still pray that its still him and me in the end…

yesterday the girl who caused all these mayhem watched his championship game…I wanted to slap her face and smudge it to the grounds…yes, I’m still the winner, because I was the one he brought home together with his family…I was the one who slept in his bed…I was the one who stayed in his arms to console him for his loss….but I can never be sure if I am still the one in his heart….I don’t know if after everything that I’ve done for him…after all these years…that girl has taken over my place in his heart…thus making her the true winner…

I don’t know…and I don’t have the strength to know…to ask him…. 

I guess I would just wait….for the time he would say he loves me again…or the time he’ll say that he wants to leave me again…

Lord God…I love him

I love Raymon Christian so much….