Devastated and all miserable me

today I cried again….

because I chanced upon my ex’s fb and learned that now indeed, he is truly happy

and I cant help but become all bitter, again, for the nth time…pondering on what I did wrong to deserve all these pain….

up until now I still couldnt accept the fact that I lost him…. I lost him to someone else….. and why it all happened….

ang sakit sakit isipin now that I can see him moving on with his life….happy with her….

while me on the other side…..still miserable…. 

I thought I already found a new happiness….

but then ngayon Im just fooling myself into believing that what Im doing now can make me happy….

kasi alam ko this wouldnt do me any good but Im still doing it because of that false sense of happiness I can derive from it….

because nobody else is there…

because I already gave him so much of me….

and I just couldnt easily stop…..

bakit ganon???? when will I ever be happy?

yung hindi na ko sour graping over him being all out, happy with that girl…..

yung hindi puro pretentions…and living in a sin like the  way I am….

before I know I have moved on already,hindi pa ba sapat ang sakit na naranasan ko from my ex to become a stronger person??? now I am dealing with something so painful again, in ayear’s time kailangan talaga twice ako masaktan ng ganito….

I have had enough….

I dont deserve this much pain…..

</3 I am so broken……

…….

but then again….

a week ago… I did something foolish….something I truly regret…..but then I guess what happened is bound to happen….probably to teach me…..t make me a stronger person…..to help become that woman who knows how to make a decision, and who can distinguish what’s right from wrong….

but then again….. I am not hypocrite to say that this didnt cause me too much pain….because a week ago I lost an essential part of me….. and I could not ever bring it back……so yes, for the nth time, I am deeply hurt….. for that loss….. for my loss….for losing it and him…but probably letting it all go,    is indeed what’s best for us……. 

 so now I am saying goodbye…..to my stupidity, and hope that one day soon I ll be sane again….

a life with someone new

Im now dating someone…..exclusively…. and I could not even name what is it that’s going on between us…. all I know is that his look sends shivers down my spine….his touch, and his kiss….yea…. we already kissed….it all happened just too fast…. but hell, it made me feel like a true woman again……actually… my relationship with him now ended all my freaking issues with my ex….maybe this is truly what I need….and who knows…things might end up the way I hope it will….but then if not… I just pray that this one wouldnt make me shed a bucket of tears once more…..

this one with HIM….its exciting….and thrilling….and something so unusual…. thanking fate for this….