prebday blues…
January 23, 2012in about 23 hours ill be turning 27….haiii…. im getting old…..
last year I vowed that ill be happy and merry on my natal day in 2012, because I was truly miserable at that time….
the past few days I told myself ill face my bday with a smile and a contented heart.
But really its just so easy to say that i will make myself happy tomorrow because lastyear was one of the worst bdays Ive had….. but now that its nearing 012412, all i can say is that I feel so empty…. :I maybe all these time I was just trying to appear that everything is ok, im glad to hear people making comments such as I seem more mature now and that they should thank that person who just left for that……
I honestly could not feel the same way right now….. because at this very moment, I feel sad……. i am sad…… sad to celebrate this year without that person I spent 4 bdays with…well 3 happy bdays and an awful one…..but no actually, more than that thought….its that feeling that for another year ill be spending it missing the feeling of being loved so much on that day by someone….. having one person to say “happy bday and I love you……” and maybe for the next years to come itll be the same…..
haaiiii,maybe another painful reality is that tomorrow, on my special day, id also miss that someone…him…that person ive beem missing for a few weeks now…. and although I never felt that I love him…still a huge part of me yearns to see/ catch a glimpse of that person….. that person who never saw me the same way I see him…… that person Im not in love with…..but I could not get off my systems…..
another thing is that dread to see that damned person on my supposedly happy day….. i dont want to see her because right now there’s jsut too much hate in my heart for her….how unfortunate can I get to be on duty with that person on the day I should be happy :I
haiiii….I have a gazillion of hangups on this approaching day, but then again….. im still hoping that somehow in someway, my family and close friends can make all these hurt and negative vibes disappear tomorrow…..still wishing that tomorrow would be better than last year….. :I
advance “happy” bday to me…. advance “happier” bday to me….. *crossedfingers*
Previous Comments
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Posted by Michael Kors at February 22, 2012, 3:40 pm
Weng Weng you don’t have to pretend that you’re okay when you’re not. Only time can heal. But you don’t have to sulk in that loneliness either. I know it is hard to enjoy when you have burdens in your heart. But it is even harder when you always tell yourself that it’s hard. Worse would be looking back at last year and comparing it to this year. My dear, it was 365 days ago. So much has changed. And you no longer live there. Your reality is this present moment. And then when tomorrow comes, that will be your reality. Birthdays come only once a year so don’t waste your day looking back at what was. Live one day at a time my dear. One day forward at a time. Be patient. God has wonderful plans for you.
Posted by Irene at January 23, 2012, 12:41 pm