for the meantime

i wanted to post something nice for him and yet i dont have the time….so for now let me just say HAPEE BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST SPECIAL MAN IN MY LIFE…..

daddy!!!

Its been fourteen years since we last celebrated your day together…..
with a pang in my heart, on this day of yours I realize how much I miss you….
….I am now where we both dreamed I would be when I was still a small child sitting on your lap…a few years more and ill be beaming with pride because I would have those 2 letters beside my name…and you'll be the proudest dad ever….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I know you're reading this beside the Almighty father….Please whisper to Him my thanks, for the early 9 years of my life was the best ever, cause I have you then….and even if you are not here anymore…..that one fact will always remain, you are the best daddy in the whole of this planet and even beyond…..I love you to the fullest….

Daddy, there's just so much I wanted to say and share…but let me just pause for now….because I have to live our dream….

pray for us, specially mommy, I know she misses you a lot more than I do…..and guard her all the time….

love you daddy

before I sleep

" I don't have any sleeping problem. I have no worries, no fears, no nothing….just myself. But when I met a couple this morning, laughing together, holding their hands tight and looking thru each other's eyes…its harder for me to sleep now. I THOUGHT I'M BETTER OFF ALONE. But maybe, they are right. Maybe it is nicer to spend your time with someone that you love…Someone who means something to you…Maybe ill try it…not for now, but SOON. Soon enough when i find someone to share my life with…."
                                                                            —THE SINGLES JOURNAL

Thanks irene for this wonderful quote….
I was just talking to my friend who's name I won't mention….and she suddenly blurted out that there's just two of them left in their barkada who had NBSB……and sometimes she feels envious….funny cause I was feeling the same thing at that moment….haiiii this quote really speaks for most of us who had none eversince…..

Now, we can't do much about it really…but pray for that person…..pray that one day God will grant us with the ONE…..and I hope when that time comes, it will be all worth the wait

P.S. I was talking to Pia on the phone when my mom told me to tell her na naunahan na sya ni Gian….na mgkabf….sabi ko mommy meron na po c Pia matagal na….ako na lang at c Jane ang wala pa sa barkada….sabi ba naman…."aba e di maghanap ka na…."

kamusta naman yun mommy? as if totoo yan….hahahaha she keeps on bugging people na ihanap ako ng boyfriend….for all I know pag nagkaron nga ibibitin ako nyan patiwarik

…sana maibitin na ko ni mommy ng patiwarik soon…..hahahahaha

month of august

the days just passed by so fast…and its nearing September… i haven't had any decent post for the past weeks…it was like, im just living in a dream….nothing to talk about…none…nada….

today im just glad that the prelims is over…imagine how many times i studied for medicine, pedia, surgery, and gyne….whoever thought  i enjoyed all the class suspensions by the ever non-dependable PAGASA is definitely wrong…hay…but anyways….im just able to breathe again now that the exams are done….

i can't seem to find the right words to say now…my mind's a blank….i just want to update my blog that's why im doing this post…or maybe my heart just don't want to feel and say whatever it is within….i don't feel like sharing….but still i owe this to my blog….weh

im in a limbo…..

no, im not sad or anything….sentigurl is just not in the mood for sentiments….or maybe these are just building up….i hope things would be better as this post progresses…

The past week I was a truly versatile person, juggling my being a med stude/glee club/sfc member…haha..time management it is… 

 Last Tuesday August 21, we sang for Dr. Monzon's book launch and photo exhibit at Beato Angelico,  even if there is Surgery prelims the next day, plus psych quiz too….haha i don't know if I had really managed my time because I got really tired to study….and just slept thru my supposed review period…

thankfully surg was ok….SAMPLEX….weh….and then Wed i went to the SFC chap assembly @ the UST chapel, even if i was really exhausted and there's pedia shifting the next day…

but i  know in my heart I did the right thing….Kuya Bob's talk really made me think and realize things…its like God answering my hang-ups the past days….

"He knows when it's the right time…..and if you're ready for the things you ask for….also…

He knows what you need and will give it to you even if you don't ask for it….and lastly…

just ask, and truly leave it all up to Him…and He'll grant your desires…."

…even ate shirley was telling me the same before the talk started…

the praise and worship was great….

pedia exam the next day was ok.,,,,,and as expected I wasn’t able to study much for it….nakakapagod na kc….3 times ko na sya binabasa….for the past weeks….oh well….i hope I passed….

And then MED….weeeeeeee……super stressed na ko….i finished early…but felt super devastated after dahil sa certain things…ang gulo ko kasi….ohwell…bsta tapos na exams! Haha

So attended mgc practice…then to the CLP in our GK site…so nice kasi 5 of us from the American era were present….for a change….then to SFC Sector assembly…tapos ng laughtrip sa jabee….then home

Yesterday we went to Binan….ngbingo social…ng med mission ako at tinake ang blood pressure ng mga titas titos and pinsans…..harhar…..Gian introduced her bf to the family….cool nakakaaliw…hiehe…..

So there….now I should be doing our gyne thing….but im still surfing…kakatamad na talaga….ohwell….

He was online earlier…..and I ddnt notice….

I was in invi mode coz I don’t wanna talk to him muna….of course I missed his presence last Friday….but I just found out certain things…..and I just gone tired….

—

sometimes….i wonder what I have done wrong in my life to deserve all the resentments…..all these unwantedness…..that feeling of being so all alone in this realm….

i catch myself caring….just so that it hurts to the tiniest bits cause I have never been cared for the same way…

even the people i hardly ever thought i would even notice…brings me this pain once things turn 180 degrees….

its always been like this …..

I care….and they don't…..

i hope ill wake up one day being as cold as the fridge…..so that i won't ever have to feel this way anymore. 

i can’t help it

at deal or no deal….the contestant was a woman in her 50s….without any experience …no… nada on being in a relationship…."never been kissed never been touched" all her life….

my gawd….makes me wonder….will i experience the same fate???

haha…

honestly….these days….i dont know why…but i cant feel anything…..its good…sentigurl doesnt go senti….but then…..the feeling was worst…i feel empty…

haiiii…..and mind's a blank too……haiii…..next tym…

—fin— 

this is where I stand

last night….he sent me a msg again….

then, all of my plans of studying halted…. 

i felt better cause he already shared to me what troubles he's been having for the past weeks….

and it also gave me a pang in the heart, cause God has clearly made me see why He allowed us to meet…

We are alike in so many ways, he is as sentimental as I am, we both love korean emo-flicks…..

We had that chemistry in the dance floor….

And maybe I was sent to Him as that person He could divulge his sentiments with….

And the ever goodfriend that I am….that's all that I've ever been for countless times already….

I patiently listened and answered….I stayed up late even if I have to study the whole sunday….

I just couldn't leave him worrying about that girl that he can't admit to himself that he likes…. 

And promised him that I will just be around if ever he needs someone to talk with…..

yes, now I know….this is where I stand…

:') 

for this moment

just for this moment….allow me to pour this all out…

just for this moment…i am crying because of him

My heart is all smashed right now….

Asking me to wait so I did…

But he never came back…

he could have easily said goodbye but he asked me to wait

and the silly masochistic individual that I am, I did…..

ive long been waiting for us to be able to talk…

And I terribly miss him that's why I took this chance…

sentimeeh (7/21/2007 7:56:45 PM): hi
********* (7/21/2007 8:13:57 PM): hi
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:16:40 PM): musta?
*********(7/21/2007 8:17:02 PM): ok lng
*********(7/21/2007 8:17:08 PM): wait lang
*********(7/21/2007 8:21:21 PM): hi ulit
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:22:47 PM): hi agn…
********* (7/21/2007 8:23:32 PM): doing sumthing?
********* (7/21/2007 8:23:52 PM): ctc?
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:24:13 PM): im just done with it…
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:24:20 PM): ok lng…
********* (7/21/2007 8:25:45 PM): how are you?
********* (7/21/2007 8:25:54 PM): doin good?
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:26:52 PM): ok naman….the past week sobrang pagod ko…and now, nkpagrest na….pero start ulit nxt wk haha
********* (7/21/2007 8:28:31 PM): don't abuse yourself….
********* (7/21/2007 8:28:42 PM): mamya singilin k nyan
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:29:42 PM): di naman msydo, but yea…i tend to….di maiwasn e…gnn tlg….
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:30:08 PM): ikaw din….sobra ka n aral….di k n ata ngrrest…
*********(7/21/2007 8:31:15 PM): di pa namn. i haven't pushed myself
*********(7/21/2007 8:31:22 PM): to the limit
*********(7/21/2007 8:31:58 PM): did ust win?
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:32:13 PM): okie…
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:32:39 PM): against up ba? yea…i think 7 pts ang lead…
********* (7/21/2007 8:35:15 PM): naghousehold n kyo?
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:35:35 PM): yea, twice na…
sentimeeh (7/21/2007 8:35:39 PM): kyo?
*********(7/21/2007 8:36:23 PM): kmi di pa…. kinda bc ang mga tao
********* (7/21/2007 8:36:46 PM): can't squeeze time
********* (7/21/2007 8:37:17 PM): wait lang tlga…….

im so overly melodramatic i know….

when he didnt reply at once, i deleted all his msgs in my inbox….

but he should have ignored me totally then….

i guess this is really where I stop…

Ive done my part…

And this book I will just close…

He doesnt deserve my tears….

I don't deserve all the pain that he brought me…. 

And to that letting go state I am once more….

:' ( 

haiiiii he went online again…

roller coaster of emotions….

ayoko na…

ayoko na… 

now I can breathe

the past week was totally exhausting….

until now I can still feel muscle and joint pains….<–perhaps all those rheumatoid arthritis study for our big group discussion diffused on me….that's why I manifested with the same symptoms our patient have.. haha…no im not a hypochondriac nor suffering from a somatization disorder….weh…—> psychiatry shifting exam did this to me, actually, this is what people diagnose me with everytime I complain about pains and all…

oh well….the week was sooooo stressful for me… whoever said third year is easier than 2nd year must be out of his wits….

ITs really just now that I was able to recuperate from the sleep deprivation since last week….haiiii….

I feel a lot better now because after that everyday BGD works….(but Ive still managed to go to the SFC Chapter assembly last wednesday–> with the aching body and droopy eyes)… 

I passed that dreadful exam in Psych (even with all the stupid, careless answers I made) Med quizzes were a bit ok…(again carelessness made me 1 pt short to passing that short quiz yesterday), thank God Radiology exam was  cancelled, Pedia Surg did not push through and last but not the least….We did Ok in our BIg Group discussion…. I was able to report without stammering much unlike before….wiiii i finally learned how to report!! halleluyah….answered some of the questions without urm…ahhh….err….haha…felt so good that when I was tasked to lead the closing prayer, it seems that the Spirit has grown within me…Dr. Valencia even asked if I am a Legionnaire of Mary….hahaha….sabi ko Singles for Christ po…(proud and blessed to be one )  haha one more thing, shayney gave me a note that says: Weng ang galing galing mo…! Good Job!…… was really really touched….hahaha

We treated Dr. Alan to a merienda/early dinner at Dpit for that success….hihi….sayang Dr. Lyndon wasnt around….Dra Cayco was a saint din…she didnt ask any questions…. anyway….

Glee Club rehearsals after –my stress reliever @ the end of the tremendous wk….and then home to laguna at 11.45 p.m…sheesh…traffic….err…

Now…ill stop being a bum soon and get back to being a med student….

next week would be exams galore again…(bring it on!)

P.S.

The busy week allowed me to repress, attain dissociative amnesia (for a short short while) and forget about that person…….now he came back to my senses again…haha….felt sad cause he wasnt around last wed…..and misshim…i really miss him….but i decided to move on and forget didnt I….still I miss him…:-)

dealing with it

i have a hard time dealing with it…maybe i was born with scarce endorphins and low tolerance…..

i feel so much….every single thing affects me to the fullest

Even if it's supposed to be an emotional pain, I feel it physically….it mimics  myocardial infarction pain….or maybe as worst as a dissecting aneursym….and I dont know how to take it…

I really dont know why I grew up this way….

maybe his loss truly made me a weak individual….my dad's loss.. that somebody's loss…..

my heart is just so dried up right now….

I miss him…and I have to let him go….

because going on with this longing feeling is tantamount to more disastrous consequences later on…

haiii why did you allow me to know him, and feel the pain again oh Lord…:'(

48 hours without good sleep does this to me…

plus 2 weeks of not seeing nor communicating with that someone I just met, but left me with all the memories so hard to forget…

…..feet cemented on this street……..its excruciatingly painful to be back here……. 

its raining again

is it due to hormones….why i suddenly blurted it all out….and worst….to someone from the group

maybe he was totally confused…maybe he got irritated….senxa na kito….i cant stand it anymore

gone are the days when i could easily talk to anyone of them….just about everything…..now i have to weigh each and every single thing I say….I couldnt even show my true emotions to them…i dont even share whatever it is i really wanted to….

 gone is the group  i used to love so much….

cause now I only see them as the group I have to love….since I would share the rest of my med days with them

maybe they just wouldnt see the me a few people cared for….

and i just stopped hoping that they ever would…..

i hope i just dont feel this  much…..

cause tomorrow I have two exams….and emotions shouldnt get in the way of studying…..

haiii…..hope the sun shines again after a couple of minutes…..

:'(

Love Again

Sam Salter-Love Again

Chorus
I just wanna love again
I'm sick and tired of tryin to pretend
That I don't need love again
Cuz it hurts too much without love
I just wanna feel again
What it feels like to be in love
So I'm gonna let u in
And take another chance on love
On love… o-o-o-on love
And take another chance on love

 its such a nice song…I always hear this on wave….the last time this song hit me this much was somewhat 5 years ago, in second year pre-med…..that was when I was so scared to fall….deep….but everytime i hear this song then, it makes me feel how great it is to just allow yourself to fall freely….despite of being so unassured….

and after that episode there was this certain period when hearing this would just hurt me to the highest level….because the decision wasn't right….and I just regret why "I took the chance"

and now after a long while….i never thought the familiar pain upon hearing this song would come back….I always take my chances….I always allow myself to go for whatever my heart desires, that's why now, Im back in that same old street I was in for so long….

I was so amazed because I thought I met the right person, at the right place and in the right time….I thought maybe God has sent him for me to realize that Im not bound to be alone forever after all….

Still he isnt…

I believe he likes someone else…..and where would it lead me?

Back to questioning myself…..why I took the chance once more… 

i should be studying but….

allow me to reiterate the week that I was lured away from medicine life….
I am guilty of not being able to study, read and prepare for class…
I feel so irresponsible and all…
but I had to do it.

for the Lord's day…which was held yesterday

We had to rehearse almost every day since Saturday,
and our performance was not that okay…we actually had so much errors that I wanted to sink right there and then…I thought, I was to blame for those…
coz I was the director/scriptwriter/choreo/musical director/dancer/singer etcetera
and we failed to present well…
but even if it ended up that way
the week I had….was one well worth remembering

I found new friends….Angie, Jhoane, Robert, Christian, Ian,….ate shirley…and the list goes on…

also…

Funny how one person can come and touch your life even if you just had a few days….moments to share…
Funny how I felt so much for that one person in the span of a week….how it all grew that fast…
Funny how sentigurl…can fall for someone, in a snap….but couldn't forget in a million years..
I just had a week with him….but it seems Ive known him for so long….
I know this would just be the same old story….ending up with me being alone in that street I have been in for 22 years now, but still I thank him for the moments…my heart still beats fast when I think of those….and I couldnt do much about it since this is really how a sentigurl's heart works…..
Its sad that I fell asleep and wasnt able to spend the last hours I could have with you….
So I woke up with an aching and regretful heart….
Still I will always remember our dance
and the you Ive learned to love…..

now…im going back to reality….
read harrison's!!!!!!

End of May Reflections + Life in Medicine

tic tac tic tac…..

vacation is close to its end….

and what did i accomplish so far?

the only trip i had this summer was to galera…weekly in mall of asia and alabang town center….

i suddenly turned into a mall rat….

but most of all….i transformed into an owl,  my day starts at 11:00/12:00 pm and ends at most at 5:00 am…its as if I suddenly I became a CSR working on a graveyard shift…what i did with almost 3/4 of my vacation?  surf….surf….and surf…the net…

at the start of this super long break i was determined to read harrison's….so ill be all geared up for the battle that begins on the 2nd week of june…but then laziness sets in….haha….

but i wouldn't say that nothing happened to me for 2 months…cause in reality, this was one of the most fruitful i ever had…

i grew….how i wish taller…haha..no… im still the same tiny, pequeno girl…but… GOD has always been faithful to His promises to me…. not only did the weekly trips to Baclaran, the candle-intentions for myself and for others help stabilize my spirituality…but He has been working within me eversince I started the Christian Life Program of CFC-Singles For Christ….travelling back and forth from laguna to ust and back every thursday was well worth it…

No i did not turn into a saint…there are a lot of things I have to work on….relationships….attitude…and stuff….my mind  still turns upside down when trouble comes….but what this summer gifted me…is strength…and wisdom to rise above it all….all these, through the wonderful thursdays….

i hope i could cling on to this even when school starts….and that hazardous life in medicine resumes….

so…

i was really planning to post something intelligent, something worth reading…but i still ended up writing my emos…haha….sentigurl will always be sentigurl…still…i am in the mood to share my thoughts on the life I've chosen….

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Medicine Life

Whoever said medicine is hard must be out of his mind…..cause it is not just hard…its painfully, excruciatingly bone crushingly blood draining difficult.

We often joke about med students being living-martyrs….but its true.
(more…)

the past and their present

i was able to track most of my gs/hs/pre-med friends on my friends' list @ friendster…

and there were a lot of changes indeed…progress…new stages….

haha…

made me wonder if my profile would be viewed by any of them…

…would they think the same way…or would it just reflect a Weng that never really changed a bit….

honestly, there isn't any, really….maybe just that one fact that im already in med school…but the rest…still the same package…

 and no im not complaining…(",) ^^,

…my being a past person is the culprit for these….

tulog na nga….

nonsense post again…:) 

sanguinity

i could sing of your love forever….
i could sing of your love forever…

a hapee heart….a peaceful soul…

no amount of words can describe that experience…

i am humbled….

wiiiiii…..

chances

am i just too idealistic
maybe…i really just set up the standards that high…
whew…stopping things even before they start…

sometimes i regret the decisions that i make…
why can't i just go with the flow…
wooshoo…no… im troubled with doing so…
its hard when you expect something way out of grip…
…when you cannot just settle with what's there…

haiiii dooors….lalalala….closing doors….
what if…what if…only what ifs…

abstract…nonsense…its just me…wondering about the thing i did earlier…STOP.

                                                     ~~~~~~~ 

….my uncle and auntie from US gave me something really precious…wiiii until now i cannot contain the gladness that im feeling because of that…its just so important to me….
…it sustains my dream…that one ultimate dream….

Thank you Uncle Boy and Tita Nadia…

now another dream coming true wouldn't really hurt right?
calling……************
hehe…
Baclaran day tomorrow…i mean later…novena…candles…wishes….
-fin

Reminiscing…

Torete
moonstar88

sandali na lang
maaari bang pagbigyan
aalis na nga
maaari bang hawakan
ang iyong mga kamay
sana ay maabot ng langit
ang iyong mga ngiti
sana ay masilip

wag kang magalala
di ko ipipilit sayo
kahit na lilipad
ang isip ko'y
torete sa'yo

ilang gabi pa nga lang
nang tayo'y pinag tagpo
na parang may tumulak,
nanlalamig,nanginginig na ako
akala ko nung una
may bukas ang ganito
pero salamat narin at nagtagpo

torete torete torete ako
torete torete torete sa'yo

heard it on the radio earlier, when i was killing time @ my dorm…and it made me think deeply…

…I was singing this nice song as intermission number in one yfc event at the ust main bldg….then one person entered the area… he was there to accompany me home…and the rest…i could still vividly recall…even if it happened almost five years ago…

haha…wonder how a simple song could make a teeny bit of my ancient forgotten feelings return to life…oh well…such wonderful things like that are really fun to be remembered once in a while…after all, he was that one great love of my life…nothing else has ever come close to what i felt back then…
….i recalled how i prayed for his happiness way before even if it will cause me pain…silly selfless sentigurl….
…yet those were just plain memories and nothing more….
…memories that made my heart leap years and years ago…and just made me smile today…I thank him for that…

heiii…don't get me wrong…I have moved on…wiii….this post would again create controversies…its just my amygdala…period…

i am now doing good…absolutely…

I'm just four sessions away to completing CLP…and next week would be my most awaited event….i can hardly wait!

I hope…that after that, sentigurl would be a changed person…and her life would truly be a better one…i pray…

Moonstar88 - Torete

In Love with Him

Yesterday…

Went to UST….earlier to file my cousin’s transcript…saw Shayne there….stayed in the quadricentennial square for awhile…chika chika while allowing ourselves to get drizzled by the magnificent fountain haha…lakas trip…so we opened shayne’s umbrella and use it to cover us once in a while….parang mga sira….:-)

Eventually she left…and met with her bestfriend….so I decided to kill time in my dorm…waited till 7pm there…got  hungry…so bought my fave snack at mcdo…and ate it alone in the park while watching the fountains I reaaally love haha….spending time there before CLP is becoming a habit…

Parang there I don’t mind being alone…

Quite ironic cause the reason why I travel all the way from my place to uste every Thursday is to feel that I am not alone….to get closer to my God…to meet new friends, and to find the person that got lost through the years… but every Thursday I had to travel alone, wait for 7pm alone and get back home alone….even eat alone…and im happy that it doesn’t bother me anymore…it makes me feel more independent, more at peace, Ive more time to get to know myself…waaay before I couldn’t do all of these by myself…I believed that I am not an island…neway….

Last night’s talk was about our response to God’s Love…and the group discussion focused on the hardships that we went through and how we’ve managed to love our God despite of….

I am not really good in spontaneous sharings hehe…it gets mixed up…the words…and I don’t know if I make sense most of the time haha but it sure does feel so great to be able to share and just blurt out what’s within me….I wanted to say a lot more things but time is limited so I thought maybe I could write it down here…

Maybe the greatest trial that ever tested my Love for God was the death of my father….he was brutally killed in our garage…and I saw his bloody corpse…lying on my mom’s lap, what sight could be more excruciating than seeing the man you love the most, my loving dad… dead…bathing on his own blood. His loss made me a broken person…its like life cheated on me…I carried all the hurt all those years, and I bet time just thought me how to forget about that fateful night…but my heart never healed.

I long to be loved, there is this empty space in my heart that needs to be filled, I was never understood for that, people think I am unappreciative of what I have, I still have my mom, my ate and kuya, my friends…but no one could really understand why I became this weak, this emotional, why tears unceasingly flow from my eyes even with the tiniest problem that come my way…and I cannot blame them for that

Don’t get me wrong, I lived my life the way one should, that loss did not hinder me from achieving things… I remained on the right track, and I know that my love for my God is the reason why and how I continued living…

Yet smiling while my heart is aching isn’t my cup of tea…a handful of trials tested my already dampened self…and each adds to the brokenness of my fragile heart ….I cannot pretend that Im happy when Im not, and each time I try to pickup the pieces and strive to make myself whole again being easily swayed by trials just hinder me from doing so…..

Sensitive, Emotional, a Crybaby…these are just but a few terms people link to me…and these caused me to lose someone I love, almost lost my closest friends and worry of losing more…

Sometimes I couldn’t help but feel, it is better to get used to being alone than facing the pain of being left alone…

and with all these ramblings I feel guilt….remorse….regret…. I often ask Him why I cannot be loved as much as I could…not realizing that I am the one who isn’t answering His love…He loved me so dearly that He gave me a life that I should live with all glory and honor, a life filled with good things if I can only open my eyes to see them…

…I am unworthy of His love….so I pray for complete healing….and that one day soon I can say I have loved my Lord fully….with an ideal love…absolutely greater than the love I only partially bestowed upon Him all the 22 years of my life….. 

Singles for Christ is creating wonders on a Sentigurl’s heart  

Ulap

kapag ako'y tumutunghay sa kalangitan…ang mga pigurang ito ang kumakalma sa aking buong pagkatao…wari'y sinasabing "andito lamang ako…." iba't ibang pigura, may anyong tao, hayop…atibapa…at ang pagsuri sa kakatwang pagbabago-bago nito ay tunay na nakakabighani…nakakapagpayapa….nakatutuwang pagmasdan….

ngunit sadya atang ginawa ng Panginoon ang mga ito upang ipaalala na may mga magagandang bagay na maaari nating makita…maging parte ng ating pang-arawaraw na buhay..makagbigay ng katuwaan ngunit kailanmay hindi natin maaring hawakan, angkinin, maabot….at kailangan matutunan ng tao na tanggapin ang katotohanang ito….

…nilikha sila ng malayo…milya milyang layo mula sa lupa, maaaring mawala….magkubli kung may ngbabadyang ulan….tuluyang naglalaho sa ating mga paningin kung ang haring araw ay sumisilong na…tila sinasanay tayo sa isang realidad na walang permanteng bagay sa mundong ito…..ngunit sa kanilang pagbabalik sa pagsikat muli ng araw….ito'y nagbibigay ng pag-asa na lahat ng mga nawawala sa atin ay maaari pa ding magbalik…o kaya nama'y mapalitan ng ibang mas maganda…mas kaaya-ayang mga ulap……

you're my cloud, you seem so near yet so far… I can't even touch you cause you belong to the sky…even if you enjoy being with your sun up there…..still you inspire me…you pacify me…i learn a lot of things from you…and though I can't ever have you…still i got you….you're my friend…and i am yours…

today

i think i need to post something….anything….

i can't sleep…

something's bothering me…

maybe because today is…

….just another day….

i wanted to come up with an intelligent post but i cant

maybe because…***

….blogs cant really replace diaries….cant say everything here….

its really hard when you have to act like you aren't feeling anything…but at the end of the day, when you're about to sleep…you face the reality….alone….

….haaiiii bakit ko ba kc naalala….. 

today is….

…and i think i wanna cry..

sentigurl's post  is totally confusing…..